You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
