He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
