Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
