Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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