yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
