just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
