she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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