I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
