Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
