honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
