Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think i have two assholes
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
