thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
