I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
