im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
