I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
