Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize