What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
