that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
