I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize