I can text with my tongue
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize