I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize