fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
