these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
