Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize