He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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