Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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