i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
