Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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