woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
