Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize