He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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