She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
