Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
