highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
