I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
