everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
