3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
