I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
