I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
