i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
