Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
