Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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