Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
