you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
