just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
