I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
