After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
