You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
