i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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