I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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