I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There r osticjed everywhere
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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