also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
