is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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