I think my fart just growled at me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize