nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
