I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
