yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
