The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize