sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
