he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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