you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
