I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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