Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
