so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
