the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
