She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
