I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
