In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
