Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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