I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
