True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
