It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
